Deady and Me
by Emitter
Summary: What exactly were the other 'incidents' used by Father to create his giant circle? This is a rather silly look at how he might have done so- set to the tune of Jonathan Coulton's song "Betty and Me".


**Deady and Me**

The manga is now over, but some things are still slightly unspecified. What exactly were the other 'incidents' used by Father to create his giant circle?

This is a rather silly look at how he might have done so- set to the tune of Jonathan Coulton's song "Betty and Me". That song tells a story about a wife cheating on her husband, and covering it up by telling her gullible husband about genetic engineering done by a certain doctor- something which also allows her to get pregnant, guilt-free. And the song tells us this in three minutes, including large musical interludes, which is a huge feat.

That song, however has almost nothing to do with this new version, which is about a significantly altered version of the obscure character Deady (I never read the books he appears in, so he only shares the same name and appearance) killing people for a certain "friend from the flask".

_Guess I was skeptical when I first met that creepy old guy_

_He said we could build a circle out of massacres_

_And although it was time-consuming it was nasty, deadly and a lot of fun_

_It was Father who suggested I stop annoying him and go and kill a ton_

Father sat alone on the throne in the middle of his underground domicile. His hands were pushed together, and his lips pursed as he considered the next stage in his plan.

Suddenly, a yellow, glowing bubble flashed into being on the edge of his vision. His eyes flicked towards it just in time to see a long-clawed, black ball of fury try to escape its prison. Then the ball winked out of sight.

Father was not interested- it was some sort of minor visual phenomenon, and certainly not one that would cause any influence on his plans.

It was when it appeared for the third time that he began to consider putting a stop to this annoyance.

It only took a second to jury-rig a containment method. By using the energy directly on the sphere, Father could stop it from teleporting away- and also, stop its slow compression.

He stared at the being trapped inside the circle. It was some sort of exile, obviously- imprisoned for crimes which he presumed were related to its obvious destructive capabilities, doomed to be pressed to death in a dimension far away from its home.

It would be a simple manner to break the sphere and release this odd, other-worldly beast. Perhaps he would make use of this creature...

_Now he picked out my target, and Envy came along_

_There was already a fight there, but it wasn't very strong_

_So I leapt out and got to work_

The androgynous shape shifter was already watching a fight erupt when the sphere appeared. Envy could recognize the work of Father when he saw it. He presumed it was some sort of weapon- something that could kill many people at once, without leaving any trace of a non-human influence.

It seemed so innocuous, though. Envy was just scouting out the place- he hadn't even gotten to work yet. Why would Father think this thing could help?

The occupant of the glowing globe had been crushed so much that movement was impossible. Its anger had risen to ridiculous levels, but it had been forced to retract its long claws. It merely appeared to be a small, comical black bear.

Envy leaned in close to get a better look. Then the force field that the creature had been imprisoned in dropped, and the creature leaped out and clawed Envy's face off.

By the time he had regenerated, the dark denizen of some other dimension had already sped off to the middle of the mobs massed in the center of the nearby square.

The resulting carnage almost sickened even Envy.

Almost.

_Now things are getting better for Deady (that's me)!_

_We're gonna do some transmutation with the whole country- only better_

_And Father says he'll be stronger_

_And Father says he'll be divine_

_And Father says that this monster will be a killer agent_

_Father was pretty firm about leaving any evidence_

_Deady doesn't care if they think this was done by a freak_

_He just loves all this carnage, stabbing people, kicking skulls into the ground_

_Father's thinking 'bout intervention, cause dead bodies aren't usually thrown around_

The creature from another world moved with the speed of a pestilent wind around the square. Each person received individual attention, getting their own method of claw-related death.

The majority of the deaths were instantaneous- there are so many things an avatar of chaos and destruction can shove into a brain cavity. Likewise, the 'stake through the heart' method received much usage, often with variations using another body part to do the stabbing.

After finishing up the minor fight in the square, the beast moved on to the neighboring houses. This area was perfectly situated on the circle, yet the inhabitants had been just too boring to ever get in any major fight.

The black beast was jubilant. Envy, however, was worried. This certainly qualified as carnage, and it would soon be enough to make this place another point on the transmutation circle. But the evidence towards an otherworldly presence was just so... obvious. A fire or a large explosion would be needed to cover up the striking disfigurations done to the bodies.

Father would be watching, and Envy hoped he would decide something soon. He didn't think even he, with his wealth of souls and transformative abilities, would survive long if that thing realized he survived. Maybe, though- considering the relative calmness of the manner in which the creature had tried to kill him, it might have felt some gratitude for being released.

It had been trapped in a container, unable to move, stifled- and the homunculi knew a little about that, and the gratitude that comes from release.

_Now I've seen Father amused, but he's never been like this_

_He's getting somewhat worried about making Deady pissed_

_He's ready to betray_

Father was indeed watching this spectacle- and like Envy, he was not pleased.

The creature apparently had no sentience whatsoever- it was merely a thing of instinct, with no reason to keep it in check. It had however, a purpose- one which was clearly associated with destruction.

Father was prepared for such an event, however. He had merely weakened the container, so as to allow the creature to slip through.

It was still intact. He had studied it, and determined that though it was composed of some sort of pure energy, it was of a kind not native to his own universe. It refused to interact with this universe's matter or energy, except for the most basic of commands, and was easily dispersible by anyone with the weakest control of alchemy- making it useless as anything other than a curiosity.

It was like it was on a different frequency, composed of electrons and other particles whose core charge had been changed. Presumably, both it and the creature originated from a universe with different physical laws.

Father knew one other thing. The capsule kept tugging towards the site that envy was currently at. It yearned to re-capture its occupant.

_Cause things are getting better for Deady (that's me)!_

_We're gonna do transmutation with the whole country- only better_

_And Father says he'll be stronger_

_And Father says he'll be divine_

_And Father says that this monster will be a killer agent_

_And the bloodlust inside me swells up like a flood_

_But Father knows the sphere I was kept in will crush me into mud_

_He wants to get rid of this loose end before it comes back to bite him in the butt_

The furry black ball of barely containable fury swept though the houses. All he saw were killed- and the collapse of the buildings as it gnawed their supports to pieces ensured that even those that escaped its notice would not escape death.

It was in the midst of a mid-second fit of ecstasy when it sensed something. Its nose picked up the scent, ever so faint, of ozone- the same thing it smelled before it was banished.

It looked around wildly, but could see nothing but rubble and death. There was no one to kill this time, no way to stop its recapture. So he picked the first being it had seen when it first flashed through to this world, and focused its hatred on that.

It kept its mind focused on hating Father even as it ran, even as the smell grew stronger, and even as the slightly-transparent yellow walls of the orb once again filled its vision.

_I've been spending lots of time working for that jerk Father_

_Guess he didn't like the work I'd done clawing out his eyes_

_But I don't see why he had to trap me inside this sphere, and leave me to my slow death_

_I'll just have just have to take cheer in that I left that little town a mess_

Envy couldn't argue that the creature had been very efficient. He could however, complain about the work it ha caused him

Not only would he have to hide the disfigurations, but he also had to invent a cover up.

He was partial towards an attempted rebellion- it would make the calm citizen's deaths that much worse if the people of the country believed they were traitors. The original fight could be twisted into some sort of meeting.

Hopefully, by spreading rumors of revolution on one side and an attack by the government on the other, he could get a real miniature revolution going on here. Rumors were so easy for a shape shifter to propagate.

Envy spotted some sort of fuel line out of the corner of his eyes. Yes, a gas explosion- just the thing to char flesh and scatter bone, as well as spark hatred towards those each side would think was responsible. He extended his fingers, clicking them together like a lighter...

_Darn that goody-two shoes for ever putting me in here_

_Father's now on the revenge list, but don't think you're in the clear_

_But I hope I get out soon_

The creature squirmed against its prison. Once again, it wished for a thousand burning deaths to be inflicted on the one who had put it there in the first place.

It had merely massacred half of the planet. That infernal man had no right to banish it from his dimension. It had been so amused by the sight of his frail and sickly form that it had first spent some seconds envisioning a maniacal death- rather than dealing it and then humorously arranging the limbs. But those few seconds had been enough for him to cast whatever magic he needed to banish the abomination that cursed his world.

And as the shiny sphere began to warp through space, and to crush its prisoner's ribcage, AltDeady expended his last bit of air cursing AltVoltaire.

_Cause things are getting much worse for Deady (that's me)!_

_I'm gonna get squished to the size of a flee- only smaller_

_While Father is getting stronger_

_While Father is getting divine_

_And Father says that this monster will be a killer a-_

_This monster will be a trapped for a-_

_Deady will be trapped for all time_

End


End file.
